Where do you want to die?

What kind of question is that to ask somebody? It’s creepy. Morbid. I don’t think anybody has ever asked me where I want to be when I die, but it’s an important question to ask when you’re discussing advance care planning. According to Stanford University, 80% of Americans want to die at home. The reality of it is that only 20% of them do. Why are we so bad at making this simple request happen?

Because it’s not simple. There are numerous factors to consider when creating a dying space for yourself or someone else.

1. Caregiving system – are there enough willing/capable caregivers there with you?

2. Safety – can your caregiver(s) manage your care there safely as your needs change? Will you feel safe there?

3. Comfort – is there enough space for you and your caregivers to be comfortable?

4. Affordable – do you have the money to stay there as long as you need to?

5. Appropriate – you’re going to leave a memory of your death in that space – is that ok with you and your caregivers?

6. Realistic and sustainable – it might be the perfect situation for now, but how about the time closer to your death?

That’s a really short list for a challenging situation. Other things weigh in – family disagreement, patients’ capacity to make their own decisions, complex care needs that require trained staff, availability of a rooms/apartments in assisted living facilities or skilled nursing facilities (nursing homes) in your area. You might need to navigate some uncomfortable topics to make your decisions.

Photo by Helen Bauer, The Heart of Hospice

The best way to tackle this “where do I want to die” topic is to talk about it as part of your advance care planning discussions. I hear what you’re thinking. “Advance care planning again?” You bet.

It doesn’t help to put off the conversation, thinking you will have the time and mental sharpness to make those decisions later. “Later” might not look like you think it will. What does it hurt to figure it out now? It’s going to save you and your caregivers a lot of aggravation in the future if you plan it out ahead of time. Put it in writing. Make your wishes clear and legal. An elderlaw attorney, a hospice social worker, or your doctor’s office can help you with documenting those wishes.

Whether you’re Gen X or an aging Baby Boomer, it’s a good idea to have the conversations that let the people you love know what you’d want at the end of your life. It’s better to have the discussion when you can think clearly and don’t have the worry and grief of a serious illness. Make it happen.

So where do you want to die?

No matter who you are, or where you are in your hospice journey, You are the Heart of Hospice.

#HelenBauerRN #hospice #deathdiscussions #advancecareplanning #endoflifecare #TheHeartofHospice #JerryFenter #hospicejourney